Life Lessons

Yesterday I picked up Andrew from school and he was crying and so upset. Apparently, he didn't get invited to a schoolmates birthday party. The mom only invited 4 kids from his class and he wasn't one of them. I understand money is tight and you don't want 12 kids at your house and it's the kids choice who he wants at his party, but how do you tell that to a crying 5 year old? What are the boundries when inviting kids to a birthday party? I guess you can try and be descreet and slip the invites in the cubby's or folders (which is what this mother did) but how do you tell a kid not to talk about your party?

I'm not upset that he didn't get invited. I'm more upset the birthday kid and his buddy were teasing Andrew and telling him they are going to "rip his invitation so he can't go." This to me crosses the line almost to bullying. These kids are pre-schoolers ! It's such a find line, you want to teach your kid good manners and grace and to just walk away but then you want to tell your kid to smack them. Of course I told Andrew if they were teasing him to just walk away and go do something else or go tell his teacher.

It was really heartbreaking to see how hurt Andrew was and to think that already we're dealing with this sort of stuff.

I'm off to go pick him up now. I hope he had a better day.

Happy Parenting!

Calm Corner

Andrew had a monster of a tantrum Saturday with his consultant. He was upset about not having a toy placed in the right spot, yeah we're working on flexibility.  The consultant had to leave the room and wait for him to calm down. When he did calm down they went to the "calm corner." This was set up in Andrew's room and it's a space for him to use the relaxation techniques that have been taught to him.  He has this huge stuffed caterpillar that the consultants use to wrap around him and he squeezes it while taking deep breathes. It really, really works and he calmed down in the matter of 10 minutes.

He got upset another time and by himself went into the corner and started his breathing. It's awesome that he's doing it on  his own, recognizing when he's angry, and using these techniques instead of being aggressive.  The consultants also read him these books that talk about calming down. I'll have to look at them tonight, but I know one of them is "the peaceful piggy."

Other than tantrums and tears over the weekend, Andrew went to grandmas and is now sporting a new haircut. We went swimming on Sunday and Andrew has just conquered his fear of jumping in the pool and just runs and jumps. Adam is still a little scared of the water. He chills on the steps, but he did get brave and go in the shallow end with dad.

Happy Monday

spitting, ugh.

Yesterday I picked up the kids from school and they both had good days so they got to pick a toy to go home. I should talk about these toys. First of all, their school is a converted house so there's a garage on the premises loaded with supplies and a corner of used, broken, annoying toys. Everyday we have to go in there to pick a toy; it's very annoying. Yesterday Andrew picked this helicopter that didn't have a propeller. He spent 5 minutes trying to look for it and I finally gave him a warning that we were leaving. He did well with the transition and got in the car; the propeller was never found. I told him in the garage that the toy was broken.

We got in the car and Andrew made a comment about the damn toy. I told him it was a broken toy and we can't find the piece to it. Well he didn't like what I said and spit in my face. One thing I HATE is spit. So disrespectful and not acceptable. I had to calm myself down because what I wanted to was take him out of the car seat .. and ... well I did good by calming down. I did tell him (in a stern voice) that we do not spit and he will be getting a time out when we get home. I continued by telling him that I was disappointed in him and that we do not spit. He told me he was angry and didn't like what I said about the helicopter. I guess the comment about it being a broken toy angered him.

I told him thank you for telling me how you're feeling but we do not spit. I asked him, "what do we do when we're angry" he said "walk away." The consultants are teaching him other ways to deal with his anger and walk away is one. Although, we were in the car, but at least he got the point.  We got home and he said he didn't want a time out that he calmed down. Another tool from the parent trainer. When tantrums happen, put them on extinction. Let him have his tantrum; he has to calm down on his own. He did calm down and I praised him for that but he still had to do his time out. He did it and in a calm manner. He almost broke down the door the other night when we put him in time out.

Happy Parenting

Adam's rough day at school

Everyday when I pick up Adam he runs to me and is ready to go. He always asks, "what are you cooking tonight?" Yesterday was odd because he didn't do his usual routine. He saw me and continued to play with his legos. I told him it was time to go. He said "one more piece." I started to prime him that he had one minute, then 30 seconds, 10 seconds. He's still playing with the legos after my prime, so I go to get him and tell him it's time to go. He throws down the legos, stomps his feet, and starts screaming. Where has my angel gone?

I march him over to the corner of the classroom, bend down to his level and tell him to stop crying that it was time to go. He keeps up the tears and sniffles. I tell him again, "stop the crying and wipe your tears." he does both and we begin to leave. The teacher stops me and says, "Adam didn't have his listening ears on today. He was throwing toys, and hitting." Awesome. I told the teachers he's been aggressive lately and has been punching people in the arm. He does get time-outs for those things at home. The teacher also told me he hit some kid in the eye last Friday and broke a blood vessel in his friends eye! holy moly.

We leave the school and normally the kids get to pick a toy to take home, if they were good. Adam was heading for the garage, and I told him "hey Adam....come here" he knew exactly what I was referring too. He had a bad day = no toy. He cried and cried. We all got in the car to leave and he was crying. Part of me felt bad for my little baby, but there has to be consequences.

Adam went to straight to bed that night (Usually the kids watch a cartoon before bed) but not Adam.

In the morning we asked him what happens if he is not a good listener or hits his friends. He said, "go straight to bed."

These kids are so smart. They know the rules. We just have to enforce the rules and be consistent.

Sharing my knowledge.

I was reading a fellow bloggers post about her child's intense tantrums and it got me thinking about my own experience with tantrums.

At Andrew's 3 year physical we got the dreaded, "I think you should have him tested. He's not where he should be for his age." No parent wants to hear those words. Our kids our perfect. What could be wrong.  Well even his teachers at his school told us that Andrew was not where he should be socially, cognitively, and with his behavior.

I always kinda knew in the pit of my stomach that something was up, but as a parent you don't want to accept it. But I did. We got Andrew tested and he was diagnosed Autistic Spectrum. He has some characteristics of Autism, but is high functioning; he can speak, walk, talk, etc. But some things need a lot of work like his language, his social skills, and his behaviors.

Andrew always had a hard time with transitions and being flexible. Looking back, his vocabulary when he was 2 and 3 was very limited. His social skills were zero and his behavior was awful.

Fast forward two years. We have started behavioral therapy this year through the Regional Center.  This program is an intense 30 hour week deal where consultants come to our house and work with Andrew one on one. They are using a program called DTT which repeats different drills over and over until Andrew masters them. He's learning how to transition, and be more flexible and he's learning how to be social with his peers.  Also, they are teaching him relaxation techniques for when he's angry and let me tell you this kids gets angry. There have been many times chairs have gone flying, toys are thrown, and it's just chaos. So he's learning other ways to express his anger than being aggressive.

It's been 5 months since we've started DTT and he has improved SO much it's amazing!! It's like having a totally different kid.

We also get parenting training once a week. I swear, everyone should have a parent trainer -- it's a godsend. I've learned that I'm too reactive when putting the kids in time outs. Before when they would misbehave I would stomp over, tell them not to do whatever it is they're doing and put them in time out. Andrew would literally laugh at me. So now I'm non-reactive. All the rules are laid out before hand and if they break a rule, I calmly walk over and tell them in a calm voice "time out."  I prime Andrew for every little thing!! Always tell him "Andrew 5 minutes then we're leaving" or "5 more minutes to play" I even prime Adam too. Andrew has a tough time with transitions so this helps a lot.

We have also started sticker charts and reward charts to help with improving behaviors as well. This is an awesome tool that helps improve the behavior and also helps the kids gain self confidence. I'm always getting new tips and advice from the parent trainer. I will post them as they come in.  I like to share the knowledge that I gain from having two kids.

Parenting is hard, but rewarding in the end. With the right tools, we can all survive parenthood.

Happy Wednesday

Snow Angels

Last Friday night Raul and I sat on the sofa watching tv. Andrew ran in and told Adam "let's go play!"  Adam responded, "otay."  I thought to myself, "ah, they're finally playing together. So cute." 

A little while later I thought they were being a little quiet, and that always means something is going on. After my thought I heard two little giggles coming from down the hall.

I took an extra large sip from wine, took a deep breath, and followed the mischievous laughter.  I opened Adam's bedroom door and found this...

Two little monkeys having too much fun.  Andrew said that they were making angels in the powder. Very cute, I know.

I walked out of the room, sipped some more wine and told Raul about the kids. He was a little uptight about the mess, but I grabbed my camera and snapped some pictures. I thought, how could I get upset at this. At least they didn't use a sharpie on the walls. I did tell them that even though this was fun, were not doing this again as it was a bear to clean up.

Restaurant Madness

We took the kids to Bobs Big Boy on Friday to celebrate Andrew getting another green face in school. I thought it would be fun, thought...I should have known better. I invited my neighbors, Scott and Susan, and they brought they're 18 month old along.

We get seated and are all settle in and then here comes the guy dressed as Bob, oy! Adam freaks out and starts crying a cry i've never heard before. We had to keep telling Bob to go the other way. If Adam saw him anywhere he would begin crying and he kept saying "no bob no bob please."  Poor guy.  Then Andrew kept asking where Bobby was. I told him he's eating dinner :)

The next hour was spent telling all 3 kids, "sit down. no climbing, the food is coming." Susan was having a hard time keeping little one from staring at the people behind us. Between the two of us we had two bags of toys that we kept swapping. That held over for a little bit. I told her we never took Adam out to dinner when he was younger; his first time out to eat was with them a couple of months ago when he was 22 months and we didn't even want to go out then. We just learned from going out to eat with Andrew that it's so hard! It's not that we don't enjoy being with the kids, but we can't even enjoy our meal. The meal comes and you literally have to inhale your dinner. Then you're just wiped out from keeping the little ones settled.

But, the most important thing was that Andrew got the hamburger he wanted.  I tried to convince him to go through the Wendy's drive thru but he insisted on going to a restaurant and I didn't want to deny him his special treat. 

Anybody else have any crazy restaurant stories?

The funny things kids say...

Today when I dropped of Andrew at school he said he needed help with his chonies. I thought, hmmm ok this isn't good. I dropped off his lunch box when we got inside and Andrew asked me to go to the bathroom with him.  We go to the bathroom and of course there's some scruff in his underwear. I asked what happened and he said he tooted.  I told him to be careful when he toots.  He said, "I know I did a toot-poop"  

Gotta love those boys!

A new friend in the house

We have a new friend in the house

He has lots of colors

and is big, soft and fun

The kids love him

and he makes for a nice pillow

Meet our new friend the jumbo caterpillar!

Our friends from DC sent him to the kids

It's so stinkin' cute!

Things to do with the kids

I'm on a mission to find activities to do with the kids during the summer and on the weekends.

Having boys it's only natural that they love trains! Thomas is a staple in our home. 

On Saturday, May 8th it's National Train Day and we're taking the kids to union station because there's going to be a celebration. I'm really looking forward to this; I think the kids will be so excited.

http://www.nationaltrainday.com/events/la/

on my own

Raul left yesterday for Phoenix. He's working at Nascar. All is good at home. I think i'm getting use to him traveling and being alone with the kids. It only get's tough when Andrew has his little meltdowns, but last night was a good night. 

I'm trying to think of something to do on Saturday with the kids. It's supposed to be a nice day. I'm still afraid of going to the park on my own with both kids. How terrible is that? I think I picture the worst, andrew running off or having a tantrum. 

Yesterday I saw a mom with a newborn in a carrier and her son sitting next to her eating. I thought, "I can do that!" Well, maybe. I wish my kids would just sit and eat quietly.

I talked to a friend yesterday who's son is Andrew's age and he is high energy and likes to scream too. So, it's nice to know there's other moms going through the same thing.

OH, and we have our new swingset! I have a built in park at my house!  The boys love it. It's funny that Andrew only wants to go on the baby swing, *sigh*. He is totally regressing. Crawling on the floor like a baby and holding his arms up for me to pick him up. Just like Adam. Just a phase, right? 

I think i'll have a picnic lunch outside on Saturday. The swingset has a little bench for them to sit on! Brilliant!

Tonight is sloppy joe night. My co-worker gave me the fabulous idea and I bought my fixin's this morning. Today at lunch i'm going to Ralphs by my work to buy the cutest beach chairs for kids. Only $9 bucks and they look like animals!

Happy Wednesday!