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Yesterday I picked up the kids from school and they both had good days so they got to pick a toy to go home. I should talk about these toys. First of all, their school is a converted house so there's a garage on the premises loaded with supplies and a corner of used, broken, annoying toys. Everyday we have to go in there to pick a toy; it's very annoying. Yesterday Andrew picked this helicopter that didn't have a propeller. He spent 5 minutes trying to look for it and I finally gave him a warning that we were leaving. He did well with the transition and got in the car; the propeller was never found. I told him in the garage that the toy was broken.
We got in the car and Andrew made a comment about the damn toy. I told him it was a broken toy and we can't find the piece to it. Well he didn't like what I said and spit in my face. One thing I HATE is spit. So disrespectful and not acceptable. I had to calm myself down because what I wanted to was take him out of the car seat .. and ... well I did good by calming down. I did tell him (in a stern voice) that we do not spit and he will be getting a time out when we get home. I continued by telling him that I was disappointed in him and that we do not spit. He told me he was angry and didn't like what I said about the helicopter. I guess the comment about it being a broken toy angered him.
I told him thank you for telling me how you're feeling but we do not spit. I asked him, "what do we do when we're angry" he said "walk away." The consultants are teaching him other ways to deal with his anger and walk away is one. Although, we were in the car, but at least he got the point. We got home and he said he didn't want a time out that he calmed down. Another tool from the parent trainer. When tantrums happen, put them on extinction. Let him have his tantrum; he has to calm down on his own. He did calm down and I praised him for that but he still had to do his time out. He did it and in a calm manner. He almost broke down the door the other night when we put him in time out.
Happy Parenting
Everyday when I pick up Adam he runs to me and is ready to go. He always asks, "what are you cooking tonight?" Yesterday was odd because he didn't do his usual routine. He saw me and continued to play with his legos. I told him it was time to go. He said "one more piece." I started to prime him that he had one minute, then 30 seconds, 10 seconds. He's still playing with the legos after my prime, so I go to get him and tell him it's time to go. He throws down the legos, stomps his feet, and starts screaming. Where has my angel gone?
I march him over to the corner of the classroom, bend down to his level and tell him to stop crying that it was time to go. He keeps up the tears and sniffles. I tell him again, "stop the crying and wipe your tears." he does both and we begin to leave. The teacher stops me and says, "Adam didn't have his listening ears on today. He was throwing toys, and hitting." Awesome. I told the teachers he's been aggressive lately and has been punching people in the arm. He does get time-outs for those things at home. The teacher also told me he hit some kid in the eye last Friday and broke a blood vessel in his friends eye! holy moly.
We leave the school and normally the kids get to pick a toy to take home, if they were good. Adam was heading for the garage, and I told him "hey Adam....come here" he knew exactly what I was referring too. He had a bad day = no toy. He cried and cried. We all got in the car to leave and he was crying. Part of me felt bad for my little baby, but there has to be consequences.
Adam went to straight to bed that night (Usually the kids watch a cartoon before bed) but not Adam.
In the morning we asked him what happens if he is not a good listener or hits his friends. He said, "go straight to bed."
These kids are so smart. They know the rules. We just have to enforce the rules and be consistent.
I was reading a fellow bloggers post about her child's intense tantrums and it got me thinking about my own experience with tantrums.
At Andrew's 3 year physical we got the dreaded, "I think you should have him tested. He's not where he should be for his age." No parent wants to hear those words. Our kids our perfect. What could be wrong. Well even his teachers at his school told us that Andrew was not where he should be socially, cognitively, and with his behavior.
I always kinda knew in the pit of my stomach that something was up, but as a parent you don't want to accept it. But I did. We got Andrew tested and he was diagnosed Autistic Spectrum. He has some characteristics of Autism, but is high functioning; he can speak, walk, talk, etc. But some things need a lot of work like his language, his social skills, and his behaviors.
Andrew always had a hard time with transitions and being flexible. Looking back, his vocabulary when he was 2 and 3 was very limited. His social skills were zero and his behavior was awful.
Fast forward two years. We have started behavioral therapy this year through the Regional Center. This program is an intense 30 hour week deal where consultants come to our house and work with Andrew one on one. They are using a program called DTT which repeats different drills over and over until Andrew masters them. He's learning how to transition, and be more flexible and he's learning how to be social with his peers. Also, they are teaching him relaxation techniques for when he's angry and let me tell you this kids gets angry. There have been many times chairs have gone flying, toys are thrown, and it's just chaos. So he's learning other ways to express his anger than being aggressive.
It's been 5 months since we've started DTT and he has improved SO much it's amazing!! It's like having a totally different kid.
We also get parenting training once a week. I swear, everyone should have a parent trainer -- it's a godsend. I've learned that I'm too reactive when putting the kids in time outs. Before when they would misbehave I would stomp over, tell them not to do whatever it is they're doing and put them in time out. Andrew would literally laugh at me. So now I'm non-reactive. All the rules are laid out before hand and if they break a rule, I calmly walk over and tell them in a calm voice "time out." I prime Andrew for every little thing!! Always tell him "Andrew 5 minutes then we're leaving" or "5 more minutes to play" I even prime Adam too. Andrew has a tough time with transitions so this helps a lot.
We have also started sticker charts and reward charts to help with improving behaviors as well. This is an awesome tool that helps improve the behavior and also helps the kids gain self confidence. I'm always getting new tips and advice from the parent trainer. I will post them as they come in. I like to share the knowledge that I gain from having two kids.
Parenting is hard, but rewarding in the end. With the right tools, we can all survive parenthood.
Happy Wednesday
Raul took Andrew on a little trip this Saturday. He surprised him with tickets to Long Beach on Jetblue. Andrew has flown before, but when he was little so he doesn't remember of course. Andrew was super excited he got this special treat from dad. They flew to Long Beach for a few hours, had lunch, took a couple of boat rides, and then flew home. Jetblue went all out with their $4 ticket promotion. They had balloons, cake, media and goodie bags.
Raul and Andrew even got their picture on dailynews.com http://dailynews.mycapture.com/mycapture/enlarge.asp?image=36813577&event=1287014&CategoryID=26369
Happy Monday
I had two huge milestone's this weekend.
First, on Friday I enrolled Andrew in Kindergarten. I can't believe that he'll be starting Kinder in the fall. While i'm a bit weepy, Andrew is so excited. He insists on driving by the "big boy school" as he calls it, so he can look at where he will be in September. He says he won't miss Adam (they go to the same school right now) but I think he'll miss his little brother. I wish I had a job where I could pick up the kids when school gets out at 2:30 pm. Someday.
Next, we turned Adam's crib into a bed. I've been putting off this moment as long as I could but Adam keeps climbing out of his crib and he's a big boy now, so it's time. It's strange seeing the crib like a bed. The infant days are over. Adam loves his new bed. Raul and I don't ease the kids into things, so when it was nap time Adam was sleeping in this new bed cold turkey. I peeked in on him when I put him down for his nap and I saw him get in and out of his bed. I could see the excitement on his face with his new found freedom, but he got back in his bed and took his two hour nap! thank god.
I thought bedtime would be different and he would put up a fight, but nope. We followed our same routine and he went to bed and stayed in his bed all night. Let's hope he keeps this up. I have my Dr. Ferber book on my night stand just in case of any emergency sleep training.
Next up is potty training for Adam. I want him out of diapers by the end of June. Wish me luck!
On Saturday I took the boys to the Trash Truck open house and they had such an awesome time. Andrew loved looking at all the different trucks. He even got to sit in one, move the arms, and honk the horn. This is every little boys dream:
Adam of course wouldn't go near the trucks, but he did warm up later on in the afternoon. We learned a lot at the Department of Sanitation and I need to step up my recycling efforts!
I also went to my cupcake decorating class on Saturday. I almost didn't go because Raul had been gone for 7 days and I really just wanted to go to Coffee Bean and relax for two hours while Grandma was with the kids. But i'm so glad I went to my class because I learned so much about fondant and how to use it. We made spring time cupcakes and they came out so cute!
And i'm not talking about Raul & I. Although, the husband came through big time on Mother's day and gave me...
A Droid X!
What a slice of heaven. Being that I had a simple verizon phone for ages, moving up to a smart phone has been a dream. I cannot put this phone down. I have to bring the charger to my work because i'm a newbie and have to access every app. I love love LOVE it!!
